Archive for April, 2010

Control your Reality with Positive Thinking – Episode #5

By • posted in Episodes on Friday, April 30th, 2010

21 Comments

For this weeks episode you can pull up a front row seat on a train we’re on in lovely Aachen, Germany.

Today I really want to talk to you about one of my favourite positive thinking techniques which I call “no problem.” Throughout your life you’re going to have things come up that cause you a bit of a headache, and when they do, you need to be prepared!

Positive thinking shapes your attitude when dealing with people. When we have a positive mindset, the emotional vibe that we give off is always upbeat, influential and charismatic. Just think about how much more successful your own conversations are when you are beaming with positivity. Now I’m not the biggest fan of positive thinking exercises as that kind of implies that you have to put in a lot of work to become a positive thinker, when really the whole process can be effortless

To see how I deal with a REAL LIFE scenario (that would once have sent me berserk!) keep watching and I’ll show you exactly what you can do to stay positive, no matter what is going on around you :)

  • Positive Thinking Techniques
  • “No Problem”
  • Frustration
  • My “Challenges” In Aachen..

Every single day something will come up that is going to challenge you, and so I really want to share with you a really simple concept that will change your idea of positive thinking forever.

“No Problem”

Put simply, the concept I am referring to is reframing any problem that comes into your life, and being able to change your mindset in order to deal with it. And the best way that I’ve found to do this is to tell yourself, “No problem!”

By saying, “no problem” you don’t allow yourself to become emotionally invested in the conversation.

In the video, you’ll see that me and my two good friends Andy and Yad were running late for the return plane journey from our trip to Aachen. In similar scenarios, the majority of people’s blood starts boiling and they get overwhelmingly frustrated. But you can tell that all 3 of us are fairly relaxed and chilled about the whole thing, and it’s because both Andy and Yad employ similar positive thinking techniques themselves.

Frustration

Becoming frustrated is rarely of any use. Would it have helped us get to the airport faster? Not at all. All it really does it get your blood boiling to no avail. When people are faced with something they can’t control, they lose control of themselves. In reality, the only thing that we can ever really control in a stressful situation is our reaction to what’s happening.

Another great way of being more comfortable and relaxed with potential stressors is actually asking yourself what the worst possible thing that can happen is. Often you’ll find that it’s really not that bad!

My “Challenges” In Aachen..

To give you an example of just how badly things went for me in Aachen, on my walk to the train station, my suitcase was left unzipped the entire way, and as a result, my beautiful Macbook Pro had fallen out!

And the bad luck didn’t stop there. As well as losing my Macbook, I’d lost a book I’d written for all of you on charisma.. and I lost my wallet!

So in total, here’s a list of everything that went wrong for me in just one day…

-I’d lost my Macbook
-I’d lost the book I’d written (Note to self: back up computer next time!)
-I’d lost my wallet
-We were running late for the airport and facing having to buy another round of tickets, as well as potentially sleeping overnight in the airport.

So right now life is really throwing a few challenges my way. But in this kind of position we have two option; there were two ways I could have handled this…

“I just lost my Macbook!!! And my wallet!! And my Book! What the f@*k am I going to do now!!!”

….Or:

“Some lucky person in Germany has ended up with a new laptop :) What’s the worst that can happen. That’s kind of like a unintended charitable donation I think. I’ll write another book. I’ve already written one, so this one is going to be better. I’ll get another laptop; they’re expensive, but I’ll find a way. And hopefully we’ll get to the plane on time, and even if we don’t, guess what, it’s “no problem!”

It’s this second type of attitude that keeps me upbeat all the time.

Anytime life throws a challenge your way; remember this concept. Having this mentality shows your brain that you can deal with almost anything.

But going back to the story… after a really speedy taxi journey, we made it to the airport with a few minutes left on the clock. Thankfully we managed to charm our way through customs (being a charisma coach definitely has it’s up sides!), we dashed over to our terminal and made it by the skin of out teeth!.. only to find that there was one slight problem.. I’ll let you watch the video to find out! (Wow!)

So I guess the lesson to learn from this is that even if we had got all stressed out about being late, it wouldn’t have made any difference really. And just to put your mind at ease, we all got home okay without having to spend the night in the airport! I hope you can see now how easy it is to stay positive. And you can do so with just a reframing of a situation without even having to do any positive thinking exercises.

So remember, No Problem! Or ‘hakuna matata’, ‘no worries’ or however else you like to phrase it!

Marcus

Small Talk in Starbucks – Episode #4

By • posted in Episodes on Monday, April 19th, 2010

21 Comments

Today I’m going to show you how to start a conversation with somebody in a coffee shop, as well as get past all the small talk that people so commonly struggle with :)

Many of us dread the idea of small talk with new people especially in such a closed environment as this. But really, it needn’t be hard… in fact it’s easy once you know a few small talk topics that you can use.

In this video I started chatting to a girl who sat down next to me, and as we continued our conversation, her whole family ended up joining us! The camera angle changes as the video progresses in order to give you a better vantage point and let you see what I’m actually doing. As always, love your comments and thoughts!

  • Small Talk Tips
  • Declaratives and Interrogatives
  • Enthusiasm
  • Being Captivating

Small Talk Tips

The first thing of these small talk tips that I really want to focus on is adding variety in your conversations, especially when it comes to humour. When people normally crack one or two jokes, and get a few laughs for doing so, this tends to validate them and encourages them to keep being “Mr. Funny” all the time. However if all you ever do is tell jokes, you’ll end up looking like a clown.

Now I’m not saying don’t be funny, I’m simply saying have variety to your personality. Something I like to do is once I’ve told a joke, I tend to relax back into a more serious conversation right away. This always keeps the listener on their toes, and they never know which side of you they’re getting next!

Something I mention in the video is that humour makes people receptive to you. Nothing helps bond two people more than humour, however it stops you from building rapport with someone, and so shouldn’t be overused.

’Declaratives and Interrogatives’

Another one of my small talk tips is to mix up statements and questions in a particular way to always keep a conversation running smoothly.

To keep a conversation going for an infinite amount of time, all you need to do is stop asking questions, and start making statements followed by questions. This statement can be an observation, an assumption, or pretty much anything you want to get off your mind. Every one you make adds more fuel for the conversation.

This also adds a bit of variety to the rhythm of the conversation and breaks the pattern of relentless questions (which is what most people consider to be small talk).

Enthusiasm

I make sure to add some emotion to my dialogue when I speak. This enthusiasm is what engages the people that I’m talking to. You’ll notice in the video that my facial expressions also change when I talk, as this really emphasizes my words.

Enthusiasm can bring any dull subject to life. In the video I’m talking about “the weather” and still making it fun by laughing about it. I always say the first thing that springs to mind, and it doesn’t really matter what it is I’m saying because I know that my enthusiasm keeps it engaging.

When you spike your emotional energy like this, you can expect your listeners to respond emotionally too. The key thing to remember is that you’ll usually get back whatever vibe you give off to other people. So as long as you’re warm, you’ll be warmly received :)

Being Captivating

When you’re speaking about yourself, rather than just imparting all kinds of boring facts and figures, tell things in stories. Describe settings vividly, and use your hands to express yourself, painting picture of the places you’re describing. These kinds of gestures are very powerful for capturing the imagination and attention of people when you speak to them.

Something I like to do when I’m talking about myself is that I imagine I am a kid again, telling a story to a bunch of friends. This just lets you speak freely and openly without a care in the world.

Finally, one of the biggest tips to take away from this video is that when you’re talking to a group of people, you need to pay them all equal amounts of respect and attention, no matter how well (or not well) you know them. Not only is this polite as it brings everyone into the conversation, but it holds everyone’s attention and creates an aura around you. Once I have everyone engaged, I face each person individually and share a few sentences with each, moving swiftly from one to the other.

So there you have it all my small talk topics, tips and tricks!

Hope you all enjoyed the video, and as always I welcome your comments, questions and feedback :)

Until next time,

Marcus