March 31st, 2010
Today we’re going to focus on conversation skills and specifically the best ways of starting a conversation in a bar or club where you’re surrounded by new people.
Today i want to share with you a little recording I did back on St. Patrick’s Day. I (predictably) ended up in a bar and decided that it would was the perfect opportunity to try out some of the techniques I like to teach! This includes conversation skills (as well as giving me the excuse to have a few beers!) and starting a conversation with random people.
One of the great things about the particular bar that we chose was that because of St. Patricks day (and being an Irish bar) everyone was there for the same reason. This is the kind of information that you can immediately use to your in order to connect with people.
No matter where you are, there is always a reason you’re there. Even if you’re just lost, the reason you’re where you are is because you were trying to find out where you were. Knowing someone’s motivation or reason for doing something allows you you to immediately talk about something.
I’m sure you’ll know how well people connect when they share something in common. So throughout the video what you’ll see me do is use the fact that it was St. Patricks day as a way of starting a conversation with people.
- Conversational Skills In A Bar
- Peaking Someone’s Curiosity
- The Best Topic In The World Is…
How To Put Your Conversational Skills To Good Use In A Bar
For most people, the idea of starting a conversation in this type of environment is a nightmare; you’re surrounded by a load of people you don’t know, and you’re just longing to find a way to connect with them.
Remember what I said earlier, everyone is where they are for a reason, and you can use that fact as a way of chatting to random people. Going back to one of the big themes in episode two, you’ve got to be positive in order to really engage people. You’ll find that people generally reciprocate the attitude that you convey to them, so being positive nearly always results in people being warm and positive in their reply to you.
Peaking Someone’s Curiosity
Similarly to grabbing someone’s attention, peaking curiosity is a way of adding suspense and gravitas to what you have to say. The way I do this in the first clip of the video is simply by saying, “hey… you know what?” Any open-ended question like this is perfect for then leading into what you have to say next.
It’s also important to note that even just having a 10-20 second conversation with someone at a bar makes it much easier to then go over and speak to them later again that night.
The Best Topic In The World Is… The Other Person
Something you will start to notice about nearly all my interactions in these videos is that I quickly turn the conversation to the other person. There is nothing anyone likes doing more than freely talking about themselves.
Another philosophy of mine is that I will always try and leave every person I meet better off than when I found them. This links in with some of the things I talked about in the first video and you really feel amazing for doing this.
So the main things to take away from this video are just to give off a really happy, positive vibe in every conversation, and to remember to use the reasons of why you’re both where you are to easily initiate a conversation.
Hope you enjoyed the video!
I’ll be back soon with more tips and techniques for conversation skills, and in the meantime if you’ve got any questions you’d like to ask, or stories you’d like to share, you can get in touch with me at marcus@yourcharismacoach.com
Until next time,
Marcus
Love it! Well done Marcus that was pretty indepth. Excellent tips!
lol interesting… enjoyed watching tht tip, how wud you go about a group of people then?
Groups are pretty simple. Start by talking to the most receptive person and build up some rapport with them. As they warm to you their visible reaction ‘vouchsafes’ you to the rest of the group. Another tip is to look at everyone as you talk to suck them into your conversation. Check out my video next week when i’m talking to a group of people
I cannot see the video, it didn’t show up
Hi Claudio, not sure why that’s happening: what browser are you using?
Anyhow, here’s a youtube link that should play!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUE1GPSQWxI
Hi Marcus, i’m using Chrome. Thanks for the link, it was amazing
And a great job also for your cameraman: i think it can be difficult to film you in a crowded pub, even more after a few beers
Hi Marcus! Your videos seem very genuine and I like them a lot! Could you make a video asking a super gorgeous random girl on a date? That would be awesome if she showed up (she might lie … and not show up) and she has to act really interested in you!
And btw it would also be great if she didn’t notice the camera! – (I hope I’m not being very demanding but that would mega great!)
Hi Mark,
Thanks for the video, this stuff really helps. I like how you take it step by step, it really makes it easier to follow and understand what’s going on. I still have one question though, what if I show up at the bar and am not super enthusiastic. Do you have a good way to get into the mood?
Thanks,
Luke
Hi Luke, making yourself enthusiastic is a very important concept and I’ll be covering that shortly in detail. Expect to see something along those lines during June/July!
Dear Marcus, I’ve got a question: What do you mean with “pacing their reality”? and why is that so important to do? Thank you in advance! Jaus
Hi Jaus
‘Pacing their Reality’ means that you feedback to the person what you believe they must be experiencing. You do this because it builds rapport with people quickly.
For example, if somebody looks like they are in a hurry, i say “I know you look like you’re in a hurry, but….” In other words you add a running commentary to their personal experience.
This helps demonstrate two things in a conversation: 1. It shows that you are socially intelligent & 2. It builds trust with them because you see what they see.
Hope this helps!
Heya
I’m glad I found your site. The stuff you’re showing us is way better for being a cool person (and meeting girls!) than a lot of the other material out there. The girl was really cute too – you could have at least got the contact. She was sad to see you go.
I also have trouble keeping up that enthusiasm and usually I find it creeps away when I start getting back in my head. Taking a pause, breathing deeply, and focusing on being in the moment helps me.
Cheers!
What are the odds that I watched this episode today, 3 days before st paddies day 2011!
Great video, Im gonna have so much fun with this.
Amazing ebook btw, I can not believe its free XD
I really appreciate this.
First saw you yesterday on the royal campus DVD ^^
I like your videos and your free e-book, your comments on the interactions are very helpful!
thank you so much!
keep going
Marcus, I love this video. I have a lot of trouble having fun in bar environments, which I’ve been wanting to improve since I feel more comfortable in a daytime situation talking with strangers. I guess it must be the loud music or my fear of being a boring person in an environment where I feel I have to compete with the music, alcohol, and fun nighttime vibe. I’d always go into bars with routines and bar games to play because I was afraid of not being fun enough, but your video pointed out to me that I should first and foremost be positive – which I can definitely do! Your advice is easy-to-understand and practical, and I really appreciate you giving us these tips.