August 21st, 2010
Welcome to the seventh episode of Your Charisma Coach! It’s finally here!
And today I want to celebrate that by talking about something very important, Part 1 in a three-part series on how to develop and boost self esteem! NB. You can watch ‘Part 2′ here and ‘Part 3′ here!
Dealing with low self esteem can be tough. Without esteem it’s hard to have fun and enjoyable conversations; and it’s almost impossible to accomplish anything and unless you know effective ways of boosting your self esteem. Hence, the aim of this video is to offer some great tips and, if need be, serve as a compass to get you out of any mental ruts you might be in.
Here’s the bottom line: the greater your self-esteem, the more you can free yourself when you interact with people. When anyone has ever told you to just “be yourself” what they really mean is for you to just be the most comfortable person you could possibly be. And funnily enough, the higher our self-esteem, the more we can relax with ourselves.
A lot of people have been dealing with low self esteem for a large part of their life, and they cope by protecting themselves with a sense of pride. Pride is where people create this mask that they wear in order to stop themselves looking silly.
It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve realised that you don’t have to be like that. You can loose your pride – and the way to do this is by boosting self esteem!
So without further a do here’s a break down of the video…
1) Face Fears
The first thing we need to do in order to boost self-esteem is to face our fears. When you confront fears, you really find out about yourself as a person. One thing I want to stress here is that all fear exists in the future; fear doesn’t exist in the present. If I set you on fire, you would no longer be ‘fearful’. You’d be rolling around on the ground trying to deal with the fact that you’re on fire. The moment you get scared is when you think to yourself, “now what’s going to happen to me?”
So find something that really scares you, and go and do it!
2) Reach Goals
The second thing you can do to boost self esteem is to set yourself goals and hit them. Goals should be both realistic and achievable, and when setting a goal, you should set them high enough so that in order for you to achieve them, you know you’ll have to put in a lot of hard-work and persistence.
In the video you’ll see that one of my big goals was to bench press 100kg. This goal had just been eating at me for ages. And just so you know, I’d failed at this goal six times in the 3 weeks leading up to recording the video!… and guess what, I did it! As as you can tell, I was ecstatic, and it’s only because I’d made it an ambition of mine.
Reaching these kinds of goals really is what will boost your self-esteem.
3) Amuse Yourself
Another thing I like to do is amuse myself. Being playful is something that we neglect as adults – even though it’s fun and enjoyable. Instead of following the usual trend, seek out things in your daily life that will make you laugh and smile.
You might be playing a practical joke on somebody, or staging an inside joke – the important thing is just that it makes you smile. If doing the crazy, wacky stuff seems a bit too much for you, you can start off small just by telling people funny jokes. But remember why you’re doing it: because it makes you smile and not the other person.
4) Develop Vitality
Keep yourself fit. At school I hated doing ‘PE’ and found ‘team sports’ utterly pointless and uninspiring (I even used to get my Mum to write me notes saying I was ill, just so I could bunk off!). But now I love keeping fit and having a sense of vitality because of it.
Admittedly, we all like days where we laze about the house, sleeping in, eating ice cream and watching movies. The trouble is, these lazy days are comfortable and addictive. Also as I’m sure you know, prolonged comfort saps your mental energy and focus.
“Feel fit or feel shit.”
In contrast, when you’re doing something that’s making you sweat a little and gets your endorphins flowing, it makes you feel good and puts you in the mood for talking to people.
Aim to do some fun exercise at least 3 times a week. If you lack motivation or discipline (as I often did), make sure you exercise with a friend as it’ll help a lot. Your diet is also massively important. Eat ‘whole foods’ (foods that are unprocessed and unrefined) as much as possible. Fresh meat, eggs, fish, poultry, vegetables, fruits and nuts are all great examples.
That way, you can eat the odd junk meal guilt free – and you’ll actually enjoy it all the more too!
5) Nurture Wisdom
The final thing to cover in this video is the pursuit of knowledge. Really investigate an pursue anything that interests you. Now it doesn’t really matter what it is, but find more about anything that peaks your curiosity. The reason that you want to do this is because anytime your alone, your mind tends to listen to itself. Our mind is always trying to grow through mental stimulation and the more we read, the more we learn, and the more we learn, the better we feel 
For some bizarre reason I was really interested in how to build a pond. So I went away and researched how to build a pond… and now I have one in my back-garden! And it’s worth mentioning, as well as acquiring a new pond, I also have a new hobby: wildlife gardening.
So just read about anything that interests you. If you choose to study what you love, you’ll find the growth of your mind occurs with ease.
-Hopefully I’ve given you some ideas of some positive changes you can make to improve your life. Don’t worry about trying everything at once. Focus on one of the five aspects and you’ll find a bigger change in your life, as opposed to trying to incorporate all five changes at once.
You’ll find that once you build momentum, you’ll start focusing on more than one a week anyway. So in the next five weeks I want you to aim to focus on each of the five things on this list, and you’ll find that you’re self-esteem will be on a whole other level.
As always, I look forward to hearing your comments and feedback
Until next time,
Marcus
dude i love ur video… i went to hmv 2day and i did the moonwalk right in the middle of the store.. it was funny.. and it boosted my confidence for the whole day..
Yet another brilliant video. Thanks Marcus! You just made my day.
Love it Mr Marcus, it’s why I think there’s a massive connection between stuff I love (Trigger Happy TV, Banksy street art, Fonejacker, street magic etc) and my direct daytime conversations….ultimately it’s breaking social fears, making myself smile and someone else smile too. It works so well in London because of the rigid social norms!
Cheers for another great episode….keep ‘em coming baby!
brilliant, love it
Great video Marcus, on point number 3 I apply that in saying what I think is funny and not caring about any reaction, as opposed to doing slapstick actions, but that’s just appreciation of different types of humour.
Why I like this video is because you demonstrate with evidence (kayaking, pond, etc) walking the walk not just talking the talk. I look forward to part 2!
Peace
P.S. Show us your BEES!!!
In light of this most recent video, what are your thoughts on defensive pessimism?
Thanks for the feedback guys, I hope you’ll love parts 2 & 3 also! Watch this space!
RE: ThereAreNoSides: Yes, i completely advocate what you’re saying there. I think humour should come from a place to ‘express’, rather than ‘impress’. I’d like to dedicate a lot more videos to that topic and hope to shortly! As for the bees…they’re on the way (~Lots of ‘em buzzing around in my conservatory at the moment though!)
RE: Anne: My thoughts on ‘Defensive Pessimism’? Do what makes you happy!
Seriously though, a lot of my humour is quite dark and i use negativity as a source for laughs. I also make a lot of logical decisions with a “what if” edge to ground myself in reality. However, most of the time, when I think about the WORST that can happen I test myself to see if it’ll come true …and enjoy the thrill of finding out, good or bad. In life, the joke is always on me and the story will probably be a good one!
I loved the bit with the fountain. Hilarious.
Looking forward to the next two episodes. Are they gonna be weekly or just random?
RE: Dax: They’ll remain a little random to begin with…but they’ll be moving up to weekly episodes shortly. I’m expecting a short gap between forthcoming episodes 8 & 9 because of the filming involved in a variety of locations; things should speed up soon though. Thanks for your support- the very next episode (part 2) should be available in a week (oo-er i’ve gone and committed myself there)!
And Marcus, what’s the status on your new vid?
I know I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to meet anyone the last few days because of the never ending rain here. The only thing I could do (and did) was flirting with cute girls in the lane next to me while driving my car… Although I’m not even sure if all of them were cute. The rain made it really hard to see at moments, hahah.
Wow! This is my favorite vid so far. We should get the word out more for these!
So I decided to check your site today and expected to see at least two new videos… Only to see that the site hasn’t been updated in six weeks.
Marcus, what happened?
@Dax: Sorry about the delay! My next video is 99% complete (i’m waiting on one bit of footage). I seem to be working constantly on projects related to this site (look out for a book coming soon…ish). Thank you for coming back to see whats going on. I’m out shooting more footage on October 19th so expect fresh content from there on in (really!)…. these self esteem videos are tricky blighters to nail down on film, for sure!
Marcus really this is one of the most inspiring videos I have ever seen. Just awesome, great work man.
Marcus! More videos please before my charisma goes the same way as a baby crawling across the motorway. Kthxbai
Great! I’ll check back regularly for the new vid!
I love this video very good you’re the man!
I would love to be like you I’m still crawling!
Too bad it did not have time to leave I wish I had time to improve my social skills!
I also should have learned English.!
Other than that I have become better about myself improving my self-esteem thanks to eliminate the fear of being judged by others.
Sometimes we spend so much energy on something that does not exist!
Thanks Marcus! Keep it up and maybe we can meet and make new friends!
Cheers
I’ve just come to this site. Incredible. Firstly the site it very pleasing to the eye. Secondly the videos are upbeat, very relevant and makes me want to try out your ideas. I’m going through your e-book and already it is improving my outlook completely with regard to interactions. Up to now I have been doing almost the opposite to what you’ve been saying on this site – with predictably bad results. I have read PUA books etc before, but your genuine, down to earth and creative approach is immediately practical and holistic. thanks
Thanks! New video due ASAP….watch this space!
Awesome video! I started to do daring things myself.. yesterday I did some heel clicks infront of large groups of sightseeing tourists, and tomorrow I’m gonna moonwalk all the way across Dam Square in the Dutch capital!
Greetings from Amsterdam
You really know how to build up momentum for the new video. You know it’s gotta be good, right?
I’ve recently re-read your ebook and got a few new insights from it. I’d recommend everyone to at least read it twice. The first part really has some profound information!
so… new videos??