November 13th, 2010

In Part 2 of my series on ‘Boosting Self Esteem’, I’m going to share with you more practical tips that you can use to make yourself feel great and remove the pressure of social anxiety. A high self esteem is fundamental in improving your success when dealing with people because it goes a long way to freeing you from any concern about being judged by others.

(NB. You can watch ‘Part 1′ here and ‘Part 3′ here)

If you’re suffering from social anxiety, one thing that you can do to is to learn how to love yourself. By this I simply mean giving yourself a mindset that’s worthy of being charismatic, charming and fun. This isn’t something that I’ve always had, it’s something that I had to build up and develop. This is part two in the series of boosting your self esteem where I cover 5 more self esteem building exercises to make you feel good about yourself.

So without further a do, here’s a break down of the video!

  • Steps #6-#10 To Boost Self Esteem
  • Honesty
  • Friendship
  • Being a Leader
  • Learning a New Skill
  • Performing Kind Acts

Before diving into the points I just talked about, something I briefly want to mention that wasn’t in the video is self-concept and self esteem. The self concept is how we think about and evaluate ourselves. Most of us have a very hazy image of ourselves and it’s because we rarely take the time to really be introspective and decide things for ourselves. Ask yourself what you have to be grateful for and it will build your self-concept and self esteem :)

6) Being Honest

Being honest doesn’t mean that you have to share all your secrets! The trick is to act congruently with your thoughts so that you can create integrity for yourself. Honesty leads to consistency in your actions, which in turn builds self respect & value.

Being honest is really a way of freeing yourself from feelings of guilt, but sometimes you can be too honest, which leads to hurting other people’s feelings. It’s all about finding the right balance.

So sometimes it’s okay to let things go. But when you’re feeling bad for keeping something a secret, then you know it’s something that you have to get off your chest.

Remember the golden rule: “treat others as you would want them to treat you.”

7) Meet Friends

The next thing you can do to boost self esteem, and really begin to love yourself is to connect with friends. All of my happiest times that I can think of have come when I’ve been hanging out with friends, and we’re all just enjoying ourselves.

So connect with your old mates; go through your phone book and find somebody you haven’t spoken to in a while, call them up and have a chat with them.

8 ) Lead People

When you make requests from people and they fulfill them, what you’re doing is creating reference points in your mind where you see that other people are valuing your decisions as well as demonstrating that they value you as a person.

So at any opportunity where you get to be the decision maker, make the decision. If you’re out with your friends at a social setting, make the decision about what you’re going to do. When are you going to go to the bar? What place are you going to be going to afterwards?

If you’re leadership skills aren’t too great, start by making small requests of your peers. Just be the person who makes decisions. So when you lead, you feel good because people are valuing what you have to say.

Public speaking is a great avenue for this because those people are listening to you and being an audience to you, and that is what makes you feel good yourself.

9) Learn a Skill

If you learn a skill or develop a talent, it gives you a sense of achievement, much like accomplishing a little goal. Learning an instrument is a great example of this as it’s seriously rewarding since it’s quick and easy to see improvements.

A great way to get started with a new skill is to check your local college for evening classes. You’re bound to find a short course on something that gives you a fast return on talent!

10) Perform Kind Acts

Probably the thing that makes the biggest to boost self esteem, (and gets the quickest results!) is to do nice things for people. That means you give people time to make their day. Do something selfless, whatever it is, and it’ll make you feel great.

So whenever you have the opportunity to perform a random act of kindness or a good deed, the reward is in doing the deed itself, so you’ll actually feel good yourself!

By doing this, I can always think back to times I’ve done random acts of kindness and get back to a state of feeling great. When I do good things for other people, even if some people don’t like me, it doesn’t matter to me because I know that I’m a good person, and I’ve got all that evidence in my life to prove it!

Spreading kindness makes you feel great instantaneously!

I really hope this helps. Do a few of these things I’ve mentioned in this video and it’ll boost your self-esteem in no time!

See you soon :)

Marcus

21 comments ... read them below or add one

  • Andy Yosha says:

    I look like a gay sailor in that t-shirt. The gay kissing probably doesn’t help.

  • C.H. says:

    Nice one :)

  • Dax says:

    Cool vid Marcus! Keep ‘em coming!

    I really loved the serious talk with the police officer and you actually following his advice in talking to someone more appropriate to confess to.

    A tiny little flaw in the tips might be number 7. Some people might be on this site because they don’t have that much people in their social circle they can meet up with.

  • Dax says:

    Picked up the book you mentioned in this video when I was browsing the book store this afternoon. It has some good and some really stupid ideas in it, but the general idea is pretty clear. Will post some results, if I have any ;)

  • admin says:

    Looking forwards to it Dax! I think the hardest part is the effort involved in the actual ‘doing’ bit: “the smallest act of kindness is worth far more than the grandest of intentions”!

  • Joss says:

    You’re gonna be in movies, you hear me? I’m gonna turn you into a big star, kiddo!

    *puff cigar*

  • Dax says:

    I actually discovered that I do nice things for people more often than I thought. Like helping elderly people in/out of the bus or in the supermarket. You know, the small things that you don’t think about and assume everyone does. But when you are consciously watching for it, you see that a lot of people really don’t care about other people. And yes, it makes you feel all fuzzy inside ;)

    I have not yet done something ‘big’, will look for an opportunity this (or next) week and get back to you.

  • Matt Cardle says:

    I can’t hear the sound of half of it,
    @ Dax, what is the book Marcus recommends ?

  • Marcus says:

    Sound should work fine: if not check out my youtube channel! The book I recommended was “Random Acts of Kindness” by Danny Wallace. Hope this helps :) New vid up soon!

  • Anmol says:

    Good Video..and really inspiring as well ….looking forward to the newer videos

  • Dax says:

    Looking forward to the next video. From the list of things you’ve supplied, I’m having a little trouble with #1 (face fears) and #7 (meet friends), and even though the other 8 are having an effect (4, 8 & 10 are the best!), I’m really bothered by not doing, especially, #1 more often.

    As for a good deed: I’ve become a blood donor :)

  • how dare you say the ukulele is uncool!!! see ben lerman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzzB50d2mkc

  • Marcus says:

    -Now *that* is cool! :D

    I love the uke Mike…i just don’t think it likes me…!

  • Anonymous says:

    Marcus, we need more videos! What happened? You’re creating quite a suspense here…;-)
    I’d love to see some more videos of you. I’m especially interested in 2 types of videos:
    1) Some information about the 4 components of charisma (that you talked about in the first video)
    2) A video of yourself in a nightclub just befriending people
    Do you have any plans to do something like that?
    Hope to see new videos soon!
    Those others rock, btw!
    Cheers

  • Marcus says:

    Right i’ll put some more videos up! My goal is to have the next one up this Sunday: it’ll be Part 3 of this mini-series on self-esteem; then i’ll get cracking on some of your suggestions!

  • Jack says:

    We need more of your charisma Marcus! I can’t wait for part 3! And I can’t wait for your new ebook! :-)

    Cheers!

  • Excellent video Marcus,

    I would disagree that that random acts of kindness are selfless. Like all charity, its motivation is in self interest. Apropos, we donate to charities, help others and so on since it does give us huge positive feelings and emotional reward, and as you say: It’ll make you feel great.

    9 /10 – Top quality live action footage as well. :-) Looking forward to more.

  • Patrick Chase says:

    The great thing about all these exercises is they also work your social muscles. Great stuff, Marcus!

  • mitch says:

    hey dude, where is ur next vid??? cant w8
    u befriending ppl in a nightclub would be nice to see lol, u should really condsider

  • J says:

    I like how you went into a church and confessed with a ‘Stiff’ T-shirt on.

  • ben says:

    What were you doing at TU Munich? When were you there?

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