March 20th, 2010
Welcome to the second episode of yourcharismacoach.com! This week we’re in Covent Garden and I’m going to be showing you the best way to start a conversation on the street with a stranger! I personally feel that a lot of people stop themselves from talking to strangers and making conversations because they think they’re going to mess up. But really these are the best opportunities we have for improving our social skills and developing our charisma.
My aim in this video is simply to show you how to approach people and not mess things up! So without further a do…
- Mindset
- Smiling
- Pace
- Thinking Positively
- Getting Someone’s Attention
- Playfully Persevering
First of all… before we get onto the best way to start a conversation on the street, I just want to cover a bit about the right mindset to have going into this. My mindset is that I always want a positive outcome from any interaction I have. When a lot of people start talking amongst one another, they don’t really attach themselves to this kind of outcome, and as a result they come out with something that’s a bit irrelevant or indifferent; something that has no emotion attached to it. In order to fire up emotion in other people, you need to be the one who emotes (and asking where the nearest loo is, just doesn’t do the trick!).
If you want somebody to feel an emotion, you must first feel that emotion yourself. So have a positive outcome already in your mind, as if you’re already certain that isn’t going to go really well. Getting great reactions really is as simple as being positive.
Here are the first three things that you can really focus on when approaching people and making conversations.
a) Smiling 
I can’t emphasize how important it is that you smile when talking to new people. You have to remember that when you’re approaching people (especially in the street!) no one has any idea who you are, and in order for them to feel comfortable in conversation with you, the first thing that they need to assure themselves of is that you‚Äôre not a threat to them. To demonstrate this right off the bat, all you really need to do is put on a big, toothy smile.
‘Grinning is for wimps! Bust out a full on smile and commit to being happy.’ – JMC III
Don’t let this smile slip as soon as you’re in conversation with someone. You should be smiling throughout the entirety of an interaction. Don’t worry if it feels slightly unnatural or uncomfortable at first; it always does for anyone trying it. Smiling is something that I had to adjust to myself, and it took a while for me to fully get to grips with it. But just to reiterate the importance of smiling why not approach 20 people, 10 whilst smiling, and 10 with a straight face and just see the difference for yourself! 
b) Talk Slowly
The next thing to make a note of the pace at which you communicate. Using this video to model might not be the best idea for this particular point (I’m such a hypocrite!). But when talking to new people trying to make conversation. A lot of people get anxious in anticipation of silences but I promise you that silence is your friend and shouldn’t be something that you ever fear.
c) Always Think Win/Win
In my head, when I go and talk to somebody, I’ve got two different ‘filing boxes’ that I put experiences and memories in. I think most people have these kind of mental cabinets, and in my opinion you actually get to label these cabinets for yourself. The way that I’ve chosen to do label mine is that I’ve labelled one cabinet, “This went really well!” which is full of really fun, successful interactions and conversations. And for the second cabinet, I’ve chosen to label it, “This is really funny!”
For the second box, most people typically leave it on their default of, “This went really badly”. But by having this, you’re still leaving yourself open to getting a ton of negative feedback. What I’ve found is that the most charismatic people never have anything bad happen to them, because they choose to reframe it as something that was just a bit of a laugh. So my advice to you would be to change the label on your second ‘mental cabinet’ to, ‘This is really funny!’ See the thing is, you only have two cabinets, so that means that by doing this, any interaction you have from now on can only ever go really well, or be really funny! In my mind there is no longer a cabinet for, “That sucked” so I just end up with plenty of funny stories to share.
Now we’re going to look at what you actually have to say…
d) Getting Their Attention
The first thing to keep in mind is that you want to get someone’s attention before you launch into a conversation. Too many people will try making conversation with someone before that person’s even listening. By getting someone’s attention before you start talking, you don’tt leave yourself susceptible to being in that awkward position where you’ve said something and they haven’t heard you.
Getting someone’s attention can be as simple as saying something along the lines of, “Excuse me”, or “Hey” followed by a pause until you have in some way been acknowledged.
e) Pacing Their Reality
The next thing I will do is pace their reality. Basically what I mean by this is that you empathize with someone and say you you both see. If your going over to approach somebody and it’s really random, acknowledge that it’s really random! Doing this just demonstrates a kind of social intelligence that you appreciate that what you’re doing is completely random, and doing this puts their mind at ease.
If somebody looks as if they’re in a mad rush to get somewhere, telling them that you appreciate that they are in a rush makes it more likely that they will stop and talk to you as they know that you’re not going to keep them there for too long.
f) Playfully Persevering
Your next goal should be to push through the next twenty to thirty seconds, which can often be the hardest part when approaching people and talking to strangers (especially if they’re British apparently!). This is just because there is still that thought in their back of their heads that they are interacting with someone completely random. For this short time period you don’t want to be too worried about their reaction, but the way you get past it is just by pushing your enthusiasm onto them.
So hopefully now from watching this video you’ve got a better understanding of the best way to start a conversation on the street and what I’d love for all of you to do is go out and try this stuff for yourself.
Have a great time and let me know how you get on
I’ll see you next time!
Marcus
Another quality episode – didn’t have time to watch the whole thing but looking forward to finishing it later!
This is awesome – she’s right people arent as talkative in england – we need to change this!
Keep it up buddy.
I have just watched your latest episode after having watched the first…you are fascinating to watch..educational, encouraging, and funny. You can control your actions and conversations but cant control the persons reaction…which makes it all worth the while of delving into random conversations with random people!! I lurved it! tomorrow im gona stop everyone and say..hi…what you thinking about?? and hope i dont get clobbered with a granny stick. Keep it up Marcus..your fabaroonie…
Awesome video! Keep it up mate!
Hey man I was so inspired by your video that on my lunch break yesterday I spoke to 3 people.
The first was a girl from Canada eating a Apple. I aksed were she got it and had quite a nice convo.
The second was two old ladies vising my city. Very sweet
The third was guy from Holland taking pictures. Had a chat about football.
Also had a chat with a girl while waiting for a train. That was pretty cool.
You win/win mentality is fantastic, you can’t lose!
would just like to say to everybody how marcus ebook is so addictive and full of the bestest banter and knowledge of the conversational crooner from ‘London’ .I started reading it just to have a quick peek and go back to it…ha ha…not a chance…its brilliant and what a fantastic read…for now marcus…im slightly speechless…! big loveage to you
DAMN, that “Pace their Reality” is gold. Pure gold. I believe its like the key to build rapport right away.
Pure gold, indeed.
Sorry i’ve gotta fly, I’ve got some homework to do, it’s been a pleasure to be here. I’d love to chat some more with you, how about we meet back up again at episode 3?
Hey Peter D thanks for your comments! Come back for episode 3…it’s available now!
oh man, that’s a great stuff!
No cuts – and it makes this clip so true, so natural – great job, Marcus!!!
Thanks Kikey! I’ll try my best to do all my future live videos in just one cut!
thanks for the video.
I think your stuff is inspiring but a few probs with this video
first-the approach to the guy was appalling.
he clearly thought you were gay
second -with the canadian girl-far, far, too many questions
third-surely you are not claiming talking to someone who hands out free
newspapers is some sort of achievement??????
I do think your stuff is inspiring-honestly-you have some great ideas but really this
video is pretty poor
Leo
Hi Leo
Thanks for your feedback! The purpose of this video is just to show you that its fairly easy to get talking to people in a street environment if you so wish. I agree I did ask the Canadian girl quite a few questions to keep the conversation going, though i’m not too bothered by that (saw her down the pub after). I expect the chap i spoke to could’ve thought I was gay- whoops! Again though, never mind!
Hi Marcus, great video! I learned a lot from the way you broke the opening and transitioning down. You energy is very good and you are totally in the moment!
I am aware that you just wanted to show that it is actually possible to talk to people in the street. Three things that I noticed in a few of your vids is that you seem to talk quite quickly, you don’t tease very much and you don’t kino that much. With respect to the speed of speaking: is that on purpose or is it because you had a liter of coffee (just kiddin’). I know there is a fine line between keeping the energy up and talking too fast. Correct me if I am wrong, but it seems to me that talking so rapidly, little teasing and the lack of kino could cause you to end up in the ‘funny-guy’ box. At least, this is my experience from obeserving many people in field.
Love your stuff!!!
A.
Oh man, I love how even though there were loads of questions to that girl she was still responding positively to you! Just shows that even when you don’t get it quite right, it still works! Re: the mistakes you made with the guy -perhaps to show people how it’s your methods that work and not just you, you should intentionally do some where it doesn’t really work out? Because watching you sometimes it seems like “yeah, but he’s so cool, maybe people just like him…” – so seeing you get it wrong could really show us how we are just like you really!
Dear Marcus, thanks for this very useful film! Especially the mindset, being enthusiastic and pushing myself through the first twenty seconds has helped improving my conversational skills with strangers. I’ve recommended this film to my friends too! Jaus
You and your videos are absolutely great ! Really love your attitude :b
Keep up champ
Lasse
dear marcus
i just couldn’t leave this website without expressing how thankful i am that you made the video. Tomorrow i am starting a job where basically i need to stop students and speak to them. to say that i was nervous was an understatement but after watching this video i feel absolutely confident that it will be a barrel of laughs.
so thanks xxx
Dear Marcus,
First of all, let me thank you for your website. It’s fabulous stuff. It’s uplifting, inspiring, and so instructive.
You manage to put things, I’ve been feeling intuitively for so long.
I utterly disagree with some of the previous feedback.
I don’t get the impresion you speak too fast with the canadian girl. What was your purpose? Engaging a conversation with a perfect stranger on the street. Mission accomplished, you did the job and you did it very well according to me.
As for the guy, let’s face it, wearing earphones clearly indicates that you don’t want to talk to anyone. On the top of that he didn’t seem very friendly and polite, at least he could have remove them lol.
Thank for all you do!
Keep it up!
Totally cool, I’m gona go out and try this today!