April 19th, 2010
Today I’m going to show you how to start a conversation with somebody in a coffee shop, as well as get past all the small talk that people so commonly struggle with 
Many of us dread the idea of small talk with new people especially in such a closed environment as this. But really, it needn’t be hard… in fact it’s easy once you know a few small talk topics that you can use.
In this video I started chatting to a girl who sat down next to me, and as we continued our conversation, her whole family ended up joining us! The camera angle changes as the video progresses in order to give you a better vantage point and let you see what I’m actually doing. As always, love your comments and thoughts!
- Small Talk Tips
- Declaratives and Interrogatives
- Enthusiasm
- Being Captivating
Small Talk Tips
The first thing of these small talk tips that I really want to focus on is adding variety in your conversations, especially when it comes to humour. When people normally crack one or two jokes, and get a few laughs for doing so, this tends to validate them and encourages them to keep being “Mr. Funny” all the time. However if all you ever do is tell jokes, you’ll end up looking like a clown.
Now I’m not saying don’t be funny, I’m simply saying have variety to your personality. Something I like to do is once I’ve told a joke, I tend to relax back into a more serious conversation right away. This always keeps the listener on their toes, and they never know which side of you they’re getting next!
Something I mention in the video is that humour makes people receptive to you. Nothing helps bond two people more than humour, however it stops you from building rapport with someone, and so shouldn’t be overused.
’Declaratives and Interrogatives’
Another one of my small talk tips is to mix up statements and questions in a particular way to always keep a conversation running smoothly.
To keep a conversation going for an infinite amount of time, all you need to do is stop asking questions, and start making statements followed by questions. This statement can be an observation, an assumption, or pretty much anything you want to get off your mind. Every one you make adds more fuel for the conversation.
This also adds a bit of variety to the rhythm of the conversation and breaks the pattern of relentless questions (which is what most people consider to be small talk).
Enthusiasm
I make sure to add some emotion to my dialogue when I speak. This enthusiasm is what engages the people that I’m talking to. You’ll notice in the video that my facial expressions also change when I talk, as this really emphasizes my words.
Enthusiasm can bring any dull subject to life. In the video I’m talking about “the weather” and still making it fun by laughing about it. I always say the first thing that springs to mind, and it doesn’t really matter what it is I’m saying because I know that my enthusiasm keeps it engaging.
When you spike your emotional energy like this, you can expect your listeners to respond emotionally too. The key thing to remember is that you’ll usually get back whatever vibe you give off to other people. So as long as you’re warm, you’ll be warmly received
Being Captivating
When you’re speaking about yourself, rather than just imparting all kinds of boring facts and figures, tell things in stories. Describe settings vividly, and use your hands to express yourself, painting picture of the places you’re describing. These kinds of gestures are very powerful for capturing the imagination and attention of people when you speak to them.
Something I like to do when I’m talking about myself is that I imagine I am a kid again, telling a story to a bunch of friends. This just lets you speak freely and openly without a care in the world.
Finally, one of the biggest tips to take away from this video is that when you’re talking to a group of people, you need to pay them all equal amounts of respect and attention, no matter how well (or not well) you know them. Not only is this polite as it brings everyone into the conversation, but it holds everyone’s attention and creates an aura around you. Once I have everyone engaged, I face each person individually and share a few sentences with each, moving swiftly from one to the other.
So there you have it all my small talk topics, tips and tricks!
Hope you all enjoyed the video, and as always I welcome your comments, questions and feedback
Until next time,
Marcus
Love it! Awesome video mate
great stuff!!! i like how the videos are of you going out there in public and doing live demonstrations. it certainly feels more real and the ideas are more quickly grasped compared to reading plain text.
keep em coming !
( P.S. how do you include humor into conversations? is there a way to inject humor into any topic? it’d be great if there was a video that talks about this! )
love it! The more I’m learning from you mate the better my conversations are getting. I had a fantastic weekend chatting to tons of people and 2 people asked me for my number! Once again the subtitles are a great help. : )
Yeh these videos are awesome. it is exactly like having a coach. its friggin awesome. keep up the good work.
Hi guys thanks for your support and comments.
RE: Brandon, I’ll make some instructional and demo videos shortly about injecting humour into conversation. In fact, I want to dedicate a lot of time on that subject so check back regularly…probably be a few weeks yet.
Thanks for doing these videos Marcus, you are giving some great advice. One of my big problem areas in conversations (I’ll just give one for now, don’t want to overwhelm you) is how to end a conversation.
Most of the time it’s ends with “Well…ok…” and then the person walks away, or I just turn and sneak back into a corner somewhere (I haven’t developed my “That’s a funny story” file yet, it’s still “Well, that pretty much sucked.).
RE: Chad – I’ll dedicate an episode to this as well at some point. The key thing is to stop adding content to the exchange and then give a reason why you’re ending the conversation and making an exit. Shoot me an email if you’d like to discuss more, or check out my free ebook, as chapter 19 is dedicated to this little quirk!
Ah, so very well done.
My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!
Excellent stuff all of your videos are really informative, keep up the good work.
I’m pleased I discovered this website, I couldnt locate any info on this subject before. Also run a niche site and if you are ever serious in a little bit of guest writing for me please feel free to let me know, im always look for people to check out my blog page. Please stop by and leave a comment sometime!
what exactly do you say after “is it still raining outside?”? the statement after that? couldn’t quite catch that.
so basically ask a question and then make a statement based on her answer, sounds cool
great website and great videos !!!
Hi Alastor, thanks for your post. I think it was “Oh really? No way, we were promised a summer and we didnt get one!” As long as you are cheery and upbeat you can pretty much say anything about the topic at hand and get a reasonable response. Hope that helps!
great video marcus, really apreciated that you went to the effort of simulating the first bit of the video to help with context. keep it up.
Love it Marcus. Great stuff
I’ve been looking for videos of real life examples for many years now. I am so lucky I clicked on this link on google. Many years of reading and reading did me no good. Just seeing how you execute is very motivational.. Thanks a lot Marcus
Thanks Rog! New videos will be uploaded soon showing more field demonstrations of social skills!
Great stuff. More of this kind of thing please!
Great stuff.
You did a lot better then Basil Fawltey in the same situation ;-p
Hey, I watched this video right after reading your ’21 Secrets’ and its amazing to see how every single ‘secret’ works in action. Also I think its important to have many different activities and places to tell about. Thanks for this example of a great conversation.
awesome video!